13/01/20 If I had six months to live
I would sack off this whole uni shite of having to read and write about people and things that I find positively dull. I would interact with people who make me feel good about myself. I would spend more time with my family and my friends and make sure they all knew everyday that I really loved them and that I'm thankful to them for who they've helped and allowed me to grow up to be. I would read a lot of stuff that I've always wanted to and I wouldn't finish books just because I'd started them. If it's shit I'll put it down and pick up something more interesting. I'd not worry about money because it either comes back or I'd be dead anyway. I'd travel. I'd go all around Latin America and do a road trip through the states but make sure I took someone or some people with me who I love and want to share it with. I'd go to Western Africa and see some pygmy hippos. I would cook all of the recipes I always say I don't have the time or patience for (or even the skill to try). I would tell people when I needed my alone time but also try and reach out to others more so they know that I do love them and I do not want to spend time with them - it's just hard to put that into words sometimes. That doesn't mean I'm not incredibly grateful for them. I'd eat whatever I wanted whenever I wanted to the extent that I'd probably die similarly to Elvis, but hey it's only six months.
I don't know if I'd lie on the kitchen floor less, it still seems like a really good coping mechanism for when gravity feels a bit too heavy to stand upright. Maybe I'd just encourage others to lie on the floor with me, or accept their hand when they try to help me up. I would accept help from people more and not just unload all of my problems onto them but make sure they know I'm listening and I care about them and that even if I don't know the answer I will try and help and we can work through whatever it is together. I'd give whatever money I had left (or maybe along the way) to a charity I think deserves it like 'women's aid' because after all, I'll be dead and money won't matter. I think (and hope) everyone I love will be financially ok, or that it won't matter if they're not because there's more to enjoy from life.
I would spend less time in front of screens and social media but I would take a lot more photos and videos of the things and people that I love so that I can look over them in my alone time and remember who loves me and who I love in return. I'd tell my parents (again) that I love them because I don't think they can hear it enough. I'd try, really try, to stop stressing over people who've hurt me or made me angry because they made a few mistakes or their values didn't align with mine. I'd also try and surround myself with people who make me happy and don't make me feel shit about myself. I'd sit through all the movies my dad always talks about but I've still never watched with him. I'd take my mum to Thailand to see the bloody elephants. I'd declutter my stuff and get rid of all of the things that let's face it I'm not going to need. I'd keep giving things a go and I wouldn't give up easily but I'd try and recognise when something wasn't making me happy, or serving me as it should. I'd try not to be negative about my rapidly decreasing time because that's no fun for anyone else.
Also I'd buy a skateboard and actually learn how to skate.
I don't know if I'd lie on the kitchen floor less, it still seems like a really good coping mechanism for when gravity feels a bit too heavy to stand upright. Maybe I'd just encourage others to lie on the floor with me, or accept their hand when they try to help me up. I would accept help from people more and not just unload all of my problems onto them but make sure they know I'm listening and I care about them and that even if I don't know the answer I will try and help and we can work through whatever it is together. I'd give whatever money I had left (or maybe along the way) to a charity I think deserves it like 'women's aid' because after all, I'll be dead and money won't matter. I think (and hope) everyone I love will be financially ok, or that it won't matter if they're not because there's more to enjoy from life.
I would spend less time in front of screens and social media but I would take a lot more photos and videos of the things and people that I love so that I can look over them in my alone time and remember who loves me and who I love in return. I'd tell my parents (again) that I love them because I don't think they can hear it enough. I'd try, really try, to stop stressing over people who've hurt me or made me angry because they made a few mistakes or their values didn't align with mine. I'd also try and surround myself with people who make me happy and don't make me feel shit about myself. I'd sit through all the movies my dad always talks about but I've still never watched with him. I'd take my mum to Thailand to see the bloody elephants. I'd declutter my stuff and get rid of all of the things that let's face it I'm not going to need. I'd keep giving things a go and I wouldn't give up easily but I'd try and recognise when something wasn't making me happy, or serving me as it should. I'd try not to be negative about my rapidly decreasing time because that's no fun for anyone else.
Also I'd buy a skateboard and actually learn how to skate.
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